That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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