i think my tv is drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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