i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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