found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
