Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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