Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
