I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
