i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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