my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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