'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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