Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
