Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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