fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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