Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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