im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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