so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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