I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's always time for handjobs
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
