So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
