So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
