My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
