Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
