thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
