Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
please don't ironically join a cult
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