There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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