the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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