When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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