i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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