I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
