the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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