I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sext me about skeletons
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
