Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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