hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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