So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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