Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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