You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
