so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Your dad touched me again.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
