i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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