Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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