oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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