I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
