I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
