I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
