She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
