dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
