i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
