So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
