He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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