Umm I'm too high to move.
She said her name was "party"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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