You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Alive.
So much puke
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
