I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
