If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
