Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
