I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
