My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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