My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
