Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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