I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
