Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
