But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
