I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
