Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found your dick twin last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
