i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
