my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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